


When She Loved Me

by real__kazekage



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Lost Love, Love, Post Love, major death, unspoken feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 16:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20678426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/real__kazekage/pseuds/real__kazekage
Summary: When somebody loved me....Everything was beautiful...A short collection of Sten and my female Warden (female mage named Azura)





	When She Loved Me

_When somebody loved me.... _   
_Everything was beautiful... _   
_Every hour we spent together lives within my heart...._

How long had he been in this cage? He stopped counting after six days. The hunger pains that he could once ignore were now clawing at his insides. He only drank water when it rained, but it hasn't rained for almost an entire day. The revered mother said his fate was left to the Maker --- if only he believed in the Maker. They are pathetic fools and one day they will summit to the Qun. He was certain that the darkspawns would kill him before starvation set in. He would rather die fighting than be left for bait for those creatures.

He spent most of his time trying to block out the outside world unless a traveler stopped by the cage. He loved to taunt them with riddles and lie about treasure in the meadow: some fell for it while others were a little smarter than the rest. Today, not many people came by his cage. All he heard were the screams of those who escaped the fight of Ostagar: so many people said the wardens betrayed their beloved king. Also, all the gray wardens were now dead or so word of mouth would say. So, who will stop the Blight? Now, he cannot tell the arishok his answer. He will never see the islands again : his home.

Lost in his thoughts he did not even hear a group of people were at his cage. Only when the person cleared her thoart did he look at the woman before him. She was a human, of course. Yet, her eyes were so blue that he felt like she was freezing him with just her gaze. Her long raven hair was braided in various sections and settled on one side of her body. She was so pale as if she hasn't had a ray of sunshine on her skin in years. His gaze then settled on the staff upon her back : Bas Saarebas

He was about to speak -- to tell her to leave his sight, that she would have the nerve to stand in front of him being a bas saarebas. Yet, she raised her hand and the shiny key glowed in the sun's light. She held the key to his freedom -- to see his land again one day if he survived the Blight. It is so tempting. Yet, he cannot shake the crimes he committed on this land. Nor will his pride be so humiliated.

Without even asking if he wanted freedom she unlocked his cage. The door swung open and freedom was now his : if he so desired. The bars once blocked his view but now he can clearly see-- now he could see the woman standing in front of him.

"Come with me," she spoke with such a soft tone: one he did not think humans could possess. Her softness tug at his prideful warrior heart and he only nodded.

And so, he left with the bas saarebas who was named Azura.

_And when she was sad I was there to dry her tears._

The circle of magi is a heaven compared to what the Qun does with their mages. If she was born in Seheron she would be chained to a master, her tongue would be cut out, and her lips sealed so she could never speak of her magic. The warden came from here -- her home, she used to say. She always spoke so highly of it, despite it just being a prison for the mages. She made it sound so grand but now he can see it for what it is. It is just a prison for these mages, even if she can't see the truth of it.

Sten stood beside her as she gazed down at the bodies of her once friends : perhaps even her family. The smell of battle was still fresh as the blood on the ground around their feet. The smell was so strong it almost made the hair in his nose curl, but he has smelled worst. Both mages and templars were victim of this battle, and it appeared to be a long battle due to the amount of bodies. She did not speak nor did she move: she was frozen.

Sten grew tired and annoyed at her state. She always appeared to be so strong -- so witty and elegant but now she looked nothing more than a child seeing its dog be put out of its misery. It sickened him to see her like this. He must correct her or he cannot stay under her command.

"Let's move on," he spoke down to her but she did not budge. The other members of the party did not speak either because of her state of mind. If one said one wrong word she may snap -- it is not wise to allow a mage to snap especially one as strong as herself.

Sten walked in front of her, his body a barrier between herself and the dead, but she still did not move. "Warden, let's move on," he spoke a little louder and that seemed to spark the life back into her ice colored hues. She blinked a few times and that is when he saw the tears begin to form in the corner of her eyes. The warden quickly moved her hand up to her eyes and wiped the water away : a feeble attempt to appear strong. He could see through her at this moment.

"Do not cry for their mistakes," his tone grew softer without his own doing. In his land to cry is a sign of weakness -- he cannot let her to seen as weak. Humans cry too much over the choices of others. None of this was her own fault but she was clearly taking the blame for their choices. The warden cleared her throat -- another attempt to hide her emotions. Yet, her ice colored hues were still on the bodies before them.

Sten returned to her side but kept his gaze on her. "This is not your fault." He spoke simply and she let out an exhaled breath. She reached up for her wooden staff and held it tightly in her hand. He nodded in approval.

"Thank you, Sten." She whispered up to him and they began their walk to fight her once so called family.

_ And when she was happy so was I_

"I have something for you," Azura said up to Sten with a tiny little smile on her pink lips. Her hands were behind her back, but he could just stand up straighter to see behind her if he wished. For now, he will play this game with her. They had set up the camp for the night and yet she came to speak to him: like she does every night. He enjoys her questions -- at times. They do not always agree, but he can respect her for standing with her beliefs. He especially respects when she argues with him -- truly refreshing to see some back bone in this country.

Sten raised his brow, "oh, what is it?" The idea of gift giving is only seen with the bas. Back home no one gives gifts like they do here. He has seen it so much in their travels: men giving women flowers in a sign of affection or a woman giving a toy to a child. It seems pointless, and yet everything people do in this land seems so pointless to him. It's all so confusing. The warden moved her arms and in front of him was a red tin can. Just a simple red tin can. There is nothing written on it nor does it look remarkable. So, what is the purpose?

Yet, he took it from her and mimicked what bas say in this situation. "Ah," he breathed, so this is his gift? A box? "Thank you, warden. I appreciate this."

She let out a laugh that sounded like the bells from the church chantry he heard in the land. She stops laughing but the faint smile is still on her lips, "No, my darling, open the top of the box if you will." He did as he was ordered and removed the lid from the can. Inside the can made his eyes grow wide and his stomach started to growl.

Cookies.

He was speechless. She remembered their conversation about the sweets of this land -- he thought it was pointless to speak of it but she wanted to know: so he told her. Yet, she remembered. How much does she remember from their talks? Sten kept his gaze on the vast amount of cookies within the jar and then back down to Azura.

"I," Sten's words could not come out of his lips despite his best effort but she raised her hand up. "You're welcome, I hope you enjoy them," she spoke with more of a smile on her lips. It was a beautiful sight -- to see her smile. Her smile is as rare as a red moon, but still just as beautiful and worth the wait to see. "It was worth seeing you speechless."

He nodded at her and placed the lid back on the tin can. He must savor these for these are truly a gift. A gift he is unsure he can ever pay back to her.

"Thank you, kadan."

_Through the summer and the fall we had each other that was all  
Just she and I together like it was meant to be_

"What is it, kadan?" His tone has changed so much from when they first met. Yet, so much has changed within him and the land he walks on. The warden has done so much, but yet so much more needs to be done: like a never ending chase. He is eager to fight along her side and prove victorious: it is his way of a warrior.

Her ice blue eye eyes gaze upon his dark ones, "My darling, what are mages like in your land?" She questioned as she placed her fingers together in front of her.

The term of endearment she uses with him truly confuses him. She calls everyone 'my darling' or 'my dear': even her dog. He only calls her kadan, and no one else. Yet, the tone she says it with him is different than the best. When she says this phrase to Alistair it is usually to mock him.When she says it the elf it is true mocking because he desperately tries to "woo" her as Alistair says.

"We have no mages such as you do. We have beasts in the shape of men who perform tricks," he answered and his tone quickly changed back to his original harsh one without his intent.

She did not seem phased and only raised a single brow, "beasts cannot do tricks."

He inhaled slowly -- so she wishes to make jokes about a serious issue or is she just mocking her. It is so hard to tell with humans. "Sometimes men act the part of beasts," he replied simply.

Azura let out a small chuckle and casted her eyes toward the ground. The grass is beginning to die showing signs of winter approaching. The sky was already a gray color and the sun has not been seen in a week. The weather would seem ugly and depressing to most but from where he stood she never looked more beautiful. Her pale skin matched the weather perfectly and her eyes seemed to shine brighter as if her eyes knew when the snow would fall. As if she was winter in a body. Azura took a step closer to him. She never seemed to be scared of his appearance unlike so many others.

"My dear, are you calling me beast?" She questioned with a soft but almost seductive like tone. Sten was silent for a moment. He would never put her in the same category as a beast: she is far from it. He has seen how she speaks to the nobles of this land: she is a well reserved speaker. She fits in with nobles as if she was never locked in a tower her entire life; from the way she walks to the clothes she wears even in battle. Her clothes always interested in him: the silk of the robes to the various colors she chooses to wear to the silt of the robe that makes her figure look so alluring. To her leather boots with the small heel on them -- how she does it trip in them is still a mystery. She is graceful as she battles despite being what she called a battle mage. When the battle she moves so quickly as if her feet do not touch the ground. It is incredible to watch. She is far from a beast, yet the Qun teaches him this despite what he thinks -- therefore she is one.

"You have your moments," he spoke to her and she laughed at him: not a mocking laugh, just her usual lovely one.

"My. I will have to work on that," she spoke through her laughter. "And here I thought I was the picture perfect circle magi down to my Orlais robes." Her hands ran down her white silk robe to flatten the wrinkles. "Enough talking about such a dreadful topic," she changed the topic and gently placed her hand upon his bicep.

His gaze was fixed on her ice hues and she smiled up at him. "Let's move on." Her fingers gently trying to grab around his massive bicep in a sign of affection or just being friendly: he can't tell. He submitted to her -- she was making him less and less a qunari. It frightened him so, yet he was interested in what he had learned about himself just by being at her side and fighting with her.

"Yes, kadan."

_And when she was lonely I was there to comfort her _   
_And I knew that she loved me_

After their first darkspawn attack he decided to stand guard at night to ensure there wouldn't be any other attack on the camp. The others were asleep and Azura was in her tent. He made it apparent to stay closest to her, since she is the leader -- nothing more. He gazed around the camp to see Alistair sleeping soundly with the dog beside him. Oghren had a few bottles of ale around him as he snored. Morrigan never seemed to sleep or what is what he thought. She was always wake by her side of the camp: always alone. She is truly a beast who wields magic: her very existence makes him tense. It was a typical night.

From the warden's tent he heard whimpers and without thinking twice he entered her tent. He was about to speak but he saw her thrashing about on top of her blanket. Her arms were moving up and to the side quickly and her leg would kick as well. Her head was turning swiftly to the side and back again. "Stop," she whimpered. "No......oh no, Zevran, no...." her hand thrashed onto the ground beneath her. She continued to have her plague of a dream as Sten contemplated what to do. "No, Sten, no....please no."

He could no longer watch her be in pain any longer: he must help her.

He dropped to his knees beside her, placed his hands on either side of her shoulder, and shaked her as gently as he could. "Warden," he whispered at first, but it was apparent he would need to speak louder because she was not waking up. "Kadan!" He nearly shouted and she shot up from her blanket.

She was covered in sweat and her hues were darting from side to side. She was trying to stand but Sten kept his grip on her as tight as he could : she was stronger than she appeared because she still determined to stand despite his grip on her. Her breathing was short and rapid. "Kadan," he whispered at her and loosened his grip on her shoulders. "it's okay. I'm here." Those words were enough to calm her down and she looked over at him.

Shame appeared as her expression and turned away from him. She wiped some sweat from her face and ran her hand down her face. She was silent for a moment and her breathing slowly returned to a normal rate. Her hands ran through her long, sweaty hair and she pulled it all to the side. Sten could relax a little as she calmed down, but he was still on guard : always on guard.

Azura turned to face him but her expression was now of calmness. "Oh Sten," she cleared her throat and her ice colored hues avoided his gaze. "I'm sorry if I worried you."  
"You did," simple and to the point as he always was. She chuckled to herself but it was so low he nearly did not hear it. She laid back down on her blanket. They were silent for a moment -- he was unsure of what to say to ease her fears. It seemed like a nightmare to have darkspawn blood within someone -- to always hear them and know your life is slowly fading away. This only gives him more respect for her.

"I dreamed that you were killed by the arch demon," she spoke to break the silence. "It was horrible. I can't imagine losing any of you to this creature. I care too much for you all." He could hear the pain in her lovely voice. He has not dreamt of any of them dying , but he does not dream often.

"It will be a worthy battle," the thought of killing the creature honestly thrilled him. It would be a battle for the ages and a story to tell his fellow Stens. He will fight against a creature that plagues their entire world.

"If we do not all die, then yes it will be one," she whispered softly. The tone of her voice suggested otherwise. 

She kept her gaze up at the tent. Once again the silence fell over them. She appeared to be doing better, so he stood up to return to his guard of the camp. His hand pushed back to the curtain until he heard, "Sten, please stay with me tonight." His hand lowered and the curtain fell back giving them privacy once more.

"Why?" He questioned as he lowered him back onto his knees beside her.

"I," she paused and turned her body directly to him. He never noticed the way her hips curved into her legs. Did all women have such a shape? Or has just never noticed. "I just want you to stay."

"Explain why you need me to stay and I will," he is growing tired of her lack of an answer. She always beats around his questions : always.

"Because I want you too," she replied and the shortness of her tone only annoyed him.

"Why don't you ask the elf. I'm more than certain he would be happy to lay with you," he replied and that made her angry expression soften for just a moment before returning back to anger. In fact, he knew just about anyone would gladly sleep with her for the night expect for the other beasts who cast magic. But, who truly knows what they would do.

Azura narrowed her icy gaze at him, "I am ordering you to stay at my side tonight, Sten."

He closed his eyes and exhaled very slowly. He is a simple man. He likes sword and he takes orders. He has followed her for so long now that he does consider her to be a ashkaari. He will obey. "Very well," he spoke as he removed his sword from his back and placed it beside him; one can never be too careful. He removed the armor plate and also placed it beside him. He felt the blanket that she was laying upon: soft to the touch and warm as well. This is a luxury that she possibly cannot understand. He laid down beside her and the warden stayed on her side gazing at him. He refused to return his gaze. He had never laid with a women like this before, yes the Tamassran would relieve men of sexual relief but there was never laying like this. They were silent but the sound of the camp fire could be heard outside the tent. Its embers cracking into the darkness. The warden sighed and then placed her head onto his chest. Sten laid perfectly still -- this had never happened before in his entire life. Her slender arm fell across his chest and her hand rested upon his shoulder. He could feel her breasts pressed up against his chest. They were very close -- agonizing too close.

"Thank you," she whispered into his skin. Her lips brushed against the grey skin but it felt like embers against his skin. His entire body felt like it had been set on fire just by her touch.

"You're welcome, kadan."

_So the years went by I stayed the same and she began to drift away _   
_I was left alone _   
_Still I waited for the day when she would say "I will always love you"._

The choice was made. A choice he wished that she would reconsider. "Come with me to my home," he had told her after they slayed the archdemon. He asked her in front of everyone: their companions, the nobles, the royalty. Their status meant nothing to him -- only her approval. She looked like a true noble of the land with her fine clothes of expensive resources the Qun would never allow; her long black hair free and flowing behind her back. He only wanted her to return with him : only her and not the rest. He desired her approval -- her answer.

Azura only looked up at him with sadness in her hues. Her soft hand took his hardened one. "I cannot, my dear. I wish to see the land of my country," she spoke softly to him as she held his hand. "I was caged for so long. Allow me to fly."

She would no longer stay with the wardens and she would not be bound to the circle either. She would only return if the dark spawn returned once again. For now, she would aid Alistair with her new royal duties when needed and travel with Zevran and Leliana throughout the lands on their adventures. A mage bound to no one anymore -- an apostate. Truly, a tale to be told back in Par Vollen.

Now, here the two of them are -- on the docks as he is about to board for his home land. She made her choice to stay in this land but now she is making Sten choose between his home or to be at her side. She is being** awfully selfish**\-- but he already knew this about her. They stood at the docks along with other qunari boarding the dreadnought. It was time for them to return and tell the arishok of the Blight. The sun was raising over the horizon and the sun's rays made her features just the more beautiful. He tried to leave without her noticing but it would appear she is still keen on what her companions will do without a word uttered from their lips.

Zevran and Leliana had given them plenty of room to speak alone so it just her and Sten on the docks. She was wearing her elegant white silk robe with her long raven hair tumbling down her shoulders. It would appear her beauty grew stronger with the seasons. She stood very close to Sten and placed her hand upon his arm : silently begging him to stay at her side. He savored the touch for a second and then moved her hand from his arm with a shake of his head.

She let out a breath and shook her head back as well. Her expression torn at him -- as if he had slapped her straight across the face. "But Sten, you belong here," she paused and placed her hand over her heart. "_with me..._" her voice is just above a hoarse whisper.

The sight of her about to fall to her knees nearly breaks the strong warrior. He cannot stay with her even if he wished. The Qun demands he returns and he must tell the arishok what happened during the Blight. He must answer the question that was given to him for it is his duty. "I cannot and you know it," he softly spoke to her and gently took her hand from her chest. "Maybe one day we will meet again, kadan."

Yes, but they both know it will not be for a friendly encounter. One day the qunari will overthrow this land and when he returns he will have to fight. If he must, he will have to fight her but he truly does not want too even if that means he will over look her when that day comes. "But I will not look for you on the battle field when I return."

"Sten," she whispered up to him with tears forming in her eyes. "_I..._.," she paused and exhaled slowly and nodded. "I understand."

Then, she put her hand inside the pocket of her silk robes and pulled out a necklace. He was about to speak but she shook her head. "In the circle it was a custom for us to make gifts for those we cared for," she spoke softly and held it up to invite him to lower his head for her. "It is enchanted, it will help you in the future I am certain. Please take it, my dear." Sten looked at the gift in her hands. Once again, she is giving him another gift and he had never given her one in return. Everything in this land is so confusing to him, but he will not complain about this. He lowered himself toward her and she could clasp the necklace around him. The white crystal fell over his armor and he placed in inside: to keep it safe.

She tried to smile up at him, but it faded. He placed his hand on the side of her pale face. She leaned into it and turned her head so half of her face is hidden from him. The tears are starting to form again in her eyes, and for today -- only today , he will allow to see her weakness. His thumb wiped the tears away causing her to jerk back in confusion but relaxed once again under his touch. She then removed his hand in a quick motion and before he can say a word her slender arms wrapped around his waist. Sten stood still like the golems he saw in the deep roads. She pressed her face against his armor. He doesn't move -- he doesn't even know how to respond. This sort of affection is what he has seen in these land but never experienced it before. She had never shown such affection to him -- not to anyone. They stood like for a moment but it felt like a decade to him.

She released him, looked up at him, and only nodded. "Go then....my Sten." The tears have fallen down her face and her ice colored hues are blood shot red.

He hated this -- all of this. All this emotion -- this feeling -- he cannot explained what he felt but he had never felt like this to any woman or to anyone in that fact.

"As you wish," he whispered to her and walked upon the massive dreadknot. Once on board he looked back on the docks to see Zervan holding Azura close as she cried into his chest. Leilana joined the group and gave a small wave to Sten, but Sten did not return the gesture. He was returning to the Qun and must forget this culture: it was time to return to his old life. His gaze never left the group as the dreadknot undocked. The ship rocked back and forth due to the waves, but he remained still as stone -- wanting to remember this moment. The ship moved out of the dock and toward the open sea. The smell of salt danced around his nose: soon he will be back home. Yet, he could not look away from them. He wanted to see her until she was lost in the fog. Then, the fog would have her and his feelings for her as well.

Suddenly, he saw Azura pull herself from Zervan, pushed him to the side, and ran to the edge of the dock. She nearly fell into the water but managed to stop herself by catching a pole. Her hand was extended out toward him, and the tears were running down her pale features. He wanted to look away, but he refused. The fog must take her and then he can look away from her. Oh, her lovely face in such distress truly dug into his pride. His throat felt closed up and his chest felt so heavy. Yet, this is why it must be done, for the both of them -- no matter how he truly felt.

_Lonely and forgotten _   
_Never thought she'd look my way _   
_And she smiled at me and held me just like she'd used to do...  
like she loved me when she loved me...._

Seven years passed since he last saw Azura on that dock. He returned home and fell back in the Qun's way of life. The feelings he was used to while being at her side was beaten out of him : by his choice. They wiped him, beat him, burned him until the feelings felt like a distant memory. He put himself in isolation to insure those feelings -- those thoughts, would stay at bay and he would be a true warrior once more. The arishok had shamed the Qun by letting the relic be stolen by a bas. Now, he has been chosen to be the next arishok. He was always told that he was destined for greatness, but never did he believe he would be the next arishok. The title honors him greatly. He was visiting Tevinter with the Ben-Hassrath. They need to survey the land and ensure when they invade that they can invade this land without a problem. Yet, they were under constant guard due to Tevinter never accepting the peace treaty: truly they are smarter than most. The Ben-Hassrath made it possible with their spies to lie their way into the city and say they wanted to talk about peace with the Imperial Senate.

He had managed to blend in -- to some extend. The Tevinter lands were used to seeing qunari but usually saw them as beasts. Oh, the irony. Sten was with the Ben-Hassrath as they walked up and down the markets. They were with the local guard to ensure safety. The locals were terrified, and some even screamed at their appearance. A courier ran up to them with a terrified expression and bowed in front of them.

"Pardon me, you...you have been requested by First Enchanter Azura," the courier stuttered as he spoke. Sten's eyes widened at the name, Azura.

Why is she here? Yet, the answer is so clear. She can be a free mage here and even have a chance to rule. It doesn't matter to him. She is a bas saarebas and they are all beasts to him in this land. Oh, how he wished that she picked another country to live in. Not here, because this will be the first place they will invade. If she fights, and he knows she will, it will be bloody.

"Very well," he answered and looked toward his Ben-Hassrath with only a nod of his head to the side. They bowed and walked off to continue their work. Sten followed the courier into a large palace. There were many saarebas in the building and were openly practicing their curse. He tried to not look too disgusted but his expression showed it. He was taken to the top of the tower where a woman stood with her back turned to them. However, at first he was uncertain with it was her. Yes, he knew the shape of her, it was the alluring hourglass. Yet, the woman before him had long and flowing white hair, not the raven locks he was so familiar with. However, when the woman before him turned halfway to gazed upon him -- he knew it was her. Those icy hues on his dark ones was such a familiar sense, one he had missed more than he dared to say. 

Silent engulfed the room. He was unsure what to say. He wanted to ask why she was here of all places. How was she still alive despite the taint within her very veins. Why didn't she return with him when she had the chance? So many questions but yet now words left his mouth. Then, she turned slightly and the sight of her face made his chest tightened up. Oh, so many years have passed yet her beauty never faded. The tiniest of smiles appeared on her lips and her ice hues were set on his dark ones.

"My darling....Sten, is that truly you?" Azura whispered, as if the reality they were in as a dream.

"Yes," such a simple answer but he truly is at a lost of words.

The silence overtook them once again but she walked closer to him. Her gaze set on his hair and she chuckled a little, "I like your new hair style. Should I still call you Sten or Arish-"

"Sten," he interrupted. He cannot bear to hear her call him arishok. Sten may have just been a title to him, but is it familiar to them both. "Is fine. How did you know I became arishok?"

"This country and your people are at constant battle so we word of mouth travels fast," she explained and then her gaze narrowed at him. "I am_ surprised_ though, but you are strong enough of the title. I just wonder: what will happen in the near future?"

"You know", his answer was simple because he did not wish to speak about the upcoming invasion. Also, he cannot go against the Qun -- not even for her.

"Yes, I do." she mumbled to herself.

He wanted to reach out and touch her hair: to know if it was still as soft as it once was. Yet, he dare not. "What happened to your hair?" He did not bother to think of how this question may hurt her -- he wanted to know, simple as that.

Her gaze softened and she ran her hand through the snowy locks. "The taint does strange things to many grey wardens. I suppose this is mine. I don't mind it, now."

He gazed at the white hair upon her head. Her skin was as white as snow her eyes were the color of snowflakes he had seen in these lands, and now her hair matched her appearance. She truly appeared to be the embodied season of winter. The sight of her now is enough for his chest to feel so tight, like his armor is too small for his torso.

"Where are the others?" His dark hues scanned the room waiting for Zevran to appear out of the shadows or even the bard girl. He never believed her simple title of a bard: she always seemed to be hiding so much from them.

"Zevran and I are still together but as you know not romantically, but he certainly tries even after all these years. At the moment he is on a mission to, well, you know. Leliana went back to the Chantry because she could never abandon her religion and come here. I do not blame her," she explained to him. He was surprised that she is all alone now. How things change and will always change, a sad cold truth. He did not say anything, only gazed upon her.

"Now, I am unsure what to do," Azura spoke again due to the awkward silence. "I thought I could make a life here but now the taint is calling me. It is so....haunting. I hear the sounds of the darkspawn as if they are speaking directly to me: to join them." Sten snapped his head up when she spoke of her taint. Oh, yes, she is infected with darkspawn blood. Yet, she has lived for more than most grey wardens. She should consider herself lucky especially since she did slay the archdemon.

He lowered his head. So, she does have a limited time. Seven years have passed -- years they could have been together. Years that they both have wasted. No, he cannot think like that. It was_ HER_ choice to leave him: her choice and only hers.

She walked closer to them and gazed at him with those lovely ice colored hues. "Come with me," she extended her hand toward him with a soft smile on her lips. "Stay at my side, **please,** my Sten."

"Kadan, you know I cannot," her hand curled in rejection at his words, how he wishes he could stay at her side until the day came where his people invade these lands. However, if she did come now it would be difficult especially with his new title. An arishok to have a bas at his side would not set well within the Qun, especially since she is a saarebas. "I **cannot** put you in danger."

"Oh, but my dear," she placed her hand over one of his "you should know I**_ love_** danger."

"Kadan," his breath felt so short being so close to her. This is all just a game to her, isn't it? The same game he watched her play with so many men. None of those men ever won the game : she was always the winner, because she knew how to cheat. He doesn't like these games --- yet he always wanted to be a player in her games. He wanted to be the one she lost too : the one** she** chose to be with.

"_Please_ kadan," he brought himself closer to her and both of her hands rested on his biceps. Her touch is so soft just like he thought it would be. Her touch was soft yet felt like fire despite the lack of flames. "don't make this any harder than it already is."

"I** never** make anything easy, do I?" she leaned in closer to him. Her fingers gripped to his grey skin.

All those feelings he thought were beaten out of him, and yet they are all returning in a flash. The feelings for her are returning to him and so much stronger than ever before. It is so difficult to understand and yet so easy to at the same time. It is suffering! He cannot grasp a single thought nor a single feeling. All he can think is he wants to be with her,** now.**

Sten grabbed her waist and pulled her against him. Her chest pressed against his armor: blasted piece of clothes. He wanted her closer -- so much closer. His hands were tight around her waist, near the point of breaking her fragile bones. He leaned down and pressed his lips against her. Azura let out a defeated sigh when their lips touched one another. Her hands moved from his arms and into his long braided white hair. His lips moved over hers in a quick motion: both desperate for the taste of one another. Her hands moved from his long braids onto his face. Her touch felt like fire, but he was more than willingly to be burned by the touch. His hands left her waist to cradle her face: her skin softer than the silk she wore. He only wanted her-- wanted her at his side even if he had to defy the Triumvirate. He would but only for her.

The fire she had casted within his body is becoming too much for him. He breaks their kiss but she releases a disappointed moan. The sound was enough for any man to become feral, yet he can restrain himself. His large fingers stroked her soft features and she leaned into his touch.

"I should have done that a long time ago," he spoke against her lip and she nodded in response. "I'm sorry kadan."

"It was worth the wait," she spoke and then pressed her lips against his for a moment. Then, she placed her head against his shoulder.

His large arms wrapped around her tiny body and he held her close. The fire within him refused to die and it's because of her. He never wants the fire to die off. It gives him a passion he has never felt in his life. It gives him a drive to kill anyone who defy her or would even dare to battle her. It gives him a purpose: one that rivals even the Qun.

"Sten," she whispered so softly into his skin. "When I go to the deep roads...._please_, come with me."

He closed his eyes. So, the taint is so strong that she is willingly to go the deep roads. They both knew what that meant and it pained him to think of a world without her in it. Yet, he cannot deny her requests: no matter how selfish or how ridiculous. He cannot deny her.

Sten moved his head to the side and caught her lips in his once more. The sweetest sound of her moans were heard as they kissed once another. He broke the kiss and placed his massive hand on the side of her face.

"I will come when you need me," he whispered against her lips. "**I swear,** kadan."

_ When somebody loved me _   
_Everything was beautiful _   
_Every hour we spent together lives within my heart_

She had sent a message and only had one sentence: it is time. He left the islands to find her back in Orzammar: in the deep roads. They had not spoken much, but he could see the taint was taking over her. Her beauty was fading away and only left with ruin. Her lovely pale features have grown grey. Her once iced over hues and now darkened. Her voice was strained and was constantly coughing. Yet, his feelings for her never swayed nor never changed. They fought off many darkspawn in the roads, and were victorious. When they felt too tired, they set up camp. He made love to her despite her fear of her appearance being disgusting to him. He showered her in compliments and ravished her lovely body: his feelings and desire for never changed. When they were reached their peaks, he held her closed and silently pleaded for a painless death for his kadan. However, his pleas were not heard.

After a long battle, the blood splatted on their bodies is when his kadan fell to the stone ground. He ran to her side and felt a horrible burning sensation on his fingers. His eyes widened upon seeing a large wound within her stomach. Her blood mixed more with darkspawn. The blood burned him, but he ignored it and only focused on her. Her eyes were fighting to rest, but she kept them open. She hissed in pain and tears were falling from her eyes. Their gazes locked for a moment: in the silence they both knew what would come soon.

"Kadan..." he whispered down to her and picked up her body, holding her close against his chest.

She looked up at him and his heart felt like it was tearing into pieces. Her lovely eyes were fading into darkness. He shook his head at her but she only gave a small "shh" at him.

"My Sten," she whispered up to him with softness in her dark iced color hues. "I love you."

Sten held her body tighter in his arms. The ice colored of her hues was starting to fade away into darkness. He shook his head and his grip on her tightened ever so tighter: threatening to break her body. He cannot allow this! Not now. Not ever. Her small hand rested on his and he took it while his other arm held her close.

_Love._ There is no word like this in Qunlat because they are not meant to feel like this. They all have their purpose and nothing more. There is never a time for love or affection. He had never felt this 'love' but he knew this feeling was love. Despite not seeing her for so many years, he always thought of her and longed for her. The way his chest tightened when he saw her when they traveled to the way he felt like it would explode when he saw her after so many years. The way his throat felt like it was closing up when she spoke to him or touched him. The way her touch made him feel like he was set on fire: only her touch and hers alone.

Yes, he knew what he felt was love.

"I....," he stared down at her and held her tiny hand in his. "Kadan, I've always loved you."

She broke out in a smile and that's when his heart felt like it was in his throat: desperate to escape him. "Oh _darling_, I" she paused to cough up blood followed by a wheeze. Her blood was splatted on his bare grey chest : it burned but he ignored it. "I always knew."

"It's too late now," he answered in a short tone and his grip on her hand tightened.

Perhaps if he was more open with his feelings. Maybe if he told her all those years ago she would have came with him. She would have fought by his side once more. She would have been his kadan: forever until he was dragged away from her. Maybe -- but it's too late now for everything. His gaze never left her as she hanged on the thread of life and death. He could feel her body growing colder -- more so than usual in his bare hands.** NO!** She will not die, not yet! He holds her even closer against him. His white hair falls against her pale features blending into her skin. He pressed his forehead against hers to attempt to send her any of his life so that she may live a little longer.

"Kadan," he whispered down to her. "_Stay with me_."

"It's too late now, my Sten" her voice was cracking as more black blood escaped her lips. The blood dripped to the ground below them and burned the soil. Sten kept his forehead against hers and his hand ran through her snowy locks slowly. Her hand was losing its grip with his. He stayed still, holding her as close as possible, but then he felt her hand fall from his grasp.

"Kadan....?" he raised his head up to look down at her hand. It laid limp in the air. Her body was so cold: too cold. She wasn't moving. Her eyes were closed, and she looked to be peacefully asleep. Sten stared down at her, his hands moving to her pale face to only feel coldness. His thumb stroked her soft face and wiped away her fallen tears. His throat was closing up. His chest felt like it was about to burst as if he was poisoned. His body was shaking and his mind could not think of one clear image not one word. Then, he felt something in his eyes. He moved one hand from her face up to his eye and his finger touched water. He had not done this since he was a child being taught the Qun. He gazed back down at his kadan as she peacefully slept. The water escaped his eyes and fell onto her face. His body bent over hers and that was when he finally showed his weakness.

_When she loved me..._


End file.
